perfectDeviant04

In my bed I find your memory. The faint smell of sweat and chamomile on my pillow from a night we never had, and a morning  we never woke up to. In my muscles I rember your touch. How your back nestled into my stomach and your hair fell across my face when you never longed for my touch  or craved my voice. In my window is your reflection. A perfect portrait cast in candels   that we never lit.

This song is a poem to myself [1];   A whisper on a scream [2], I'm singin' out loud [4]: She smells of the sun [31], in the morning I can see the signs [32]. From now to infinity [13] what a wonderful characiture of intimacy [20]:     I hurt myself again [14]. I owe it all to the mistake [9], I think about it over and over agian [26]. Sweetie you had me [18]; your disease is killing me [16].     I chime in with the [19]     "It's not the way I had imagined [12]:          we line up do die [7].          Soon this all will come to an end [30].          Just give me myself back and [15]          cry your eyes asleep [17]."

A thousand memories swim in every drop that falls, dispersing into the puddle of hurt on the floor. Images of happiness and sadness coalesce, congeal, coagulate into the dull warmth of mediocrity. I see the reverberations of emotion, the echoes in tears, close enough to touch, but impossible to retain. They drip through the cracks in my grasp; just how her love slipped through my heart.

So what would an ember taste like? Would it be hot? Like the fire poker after it's been nestled for hours? Or would it be cold? Burning away all the nerves in your tongue? A conundrum and an enigma; it is a thought to give me pause on this most lonesome of nights. When, between lowly and loathsome, I find myself adrift in effortless throws of thought and void. What would it be like to be that ember? How would you provide your warmth? Are you burning away part of yourself, as the scientist says you do? Converting everything you have, all your anatomy, into light and heat; eventually giving yourself away for the good of someon